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George Costanza’s Investment Tips

I’m frequently asked what it takes to run a hedge fund. Translation: “If a dope like you can run one, I certainly can too.” Fair enough. A lot of hedge funds are getting killed in a huge upmarket: Brevan Howard’s Master Fund shrank 5.4% in 2017, while David Einhorn’s Greenlight was down 12% in the first two months of 2018. It’s time for a new batch of fund managers. Think you can do better?

First, let’s see if you’re up to it. Right now, go out and buy a 60-inch flat-screen TV. Easy, right? As soon as it arrives, return it…

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